Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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