Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Alive.
So much puke
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
