Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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