Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
