This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
