I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
