Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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