ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
