at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
