you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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