it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
