At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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