sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
