it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
