Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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