I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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