yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
of course. lets lasso hookers.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
