The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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