You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
