last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
