It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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