She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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