she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
