One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize