I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Randomize
