when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
