Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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