I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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