went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize