this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
