Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
