Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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