Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
