Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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