I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
