I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
