my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
