he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Randomize
