therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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