that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
