I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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