No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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