Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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