I think my vagina is haunted
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
