I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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