who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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