I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
