Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
