I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
