Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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