she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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