4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So much Jack, so little girl.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
