He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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