I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
