Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
