well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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