I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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