I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
