I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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