She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
