i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
