omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
