So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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