We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
